TO: The biarch that tried to steal my Christmas

Now, before I get carried away and call you the ‘c’ word (yeah, ‘compliment’, nah) I’m going to explain why you are the DUMBEST human walking the planet today.

I’m sure stealing credit card details pays well. Certainly better than the clean, honest, hard work that I do for my skinny paypack. And I doubt you’d give a thought to all the hours of overtime and going without that me and my family have done ALL YEAR LONG. All so that we could eliminate our credit card debt and be ready for a great Christmas break. Then you came along.

I admit, I don’t know how you stole my credit card details. You’ve got me there. But I have to assume that you purchased them from some kind of internet hacker who’s A LOT smarter than you.

Perhaps you should have asked for directions on “how to use stolen credit details”, as what you did next has earned you an internet diploma in dumbass-ed-ness. The ultimate ‘golden turd’ award.

I know it’s Christmas and all, and everyone deserves a holiday. But criminals like you really do need to put the bottle down and think more clearly about how you pay for that holiday.

Purchasing your airline tickets on MY credit card redefines the word ‘stoopid’. Even to my 8 year old daughter. You are the thickest, densest stump in the kauri forest. Please, don’t be offended. And please, don’t breed. The world needs one less of you… not one more.

End of rant.

P.S. Good luck when the bank’s financial mafia turn up at the airport and take you into a quiet little back-room for a nice, friendly chat. Yeah, nah, I’m sure they’re just an urban myth designed to scare people like you out of business. Haha. Break a leg.

P.P.S. Don’t forget to wear your cutest knickers. Cos I have a feeling YOU are in for some good old fashioned prison lovin’, biarch.

P.P.P.S. I now feel I have got $834.34 of entertainment value at YOUR expense. I’m over it and heading into a great holiday season. Poorer, yes, but with a wealth of friends and whanau.

Have a merry Xmas and an awesome New Year:)